Post 132.
Children start attending school to learn, but surely the real schooling is ours.
Last term, Ziya’s first in school and more importantly my first, I was completely unprepared on registration day. Had no clue. School supplies? Ummm. This term, yuh girl checked off the list like I studied for that gold star. Who’s learning now, baby!
There with the other parents, I was amazed that somehow we manage to bring up children without group therapy sessions or domino-effect disasters, the business of parenting, at once so mundane and been-there-done-that for the last two hundred thousand years, also seeming like everyday, parental A-level exams.
Today, a speech and language therapist came to talk about dos and don’ts, and the importance of getting children tested. By three years old, she emphasized, lisps, mispronunciation, language fears and even baby talk are no longer cute, but show potential problems that need attention. These can result in shyness, lack of confidence, greater conflict and an inability to be understood in your child’s interactions with others. All kinds of things can contribute, from thumb sucking to bottle-feeding beyond a year to just sheer bad habits when talking to our children.
I must have been sitting there like the other parents, glassy-eyed and reviewing the last months’ memories, to see if there were signs I missed or don’ts I was guilty of. Like most parents of three year olds, I couldn’t imagine how anything could be wrong with the speech of someone who literally talks so much she once stopped herself to comment on how talkative she was. When you comment on your own talkativeness, you know harnessing that kind of chat could give T&TEC competition.
But, I had to reflect. Were they just words or whole sentences? Did I ask her yes or no questions, or did I ask questions that required full conversation answers? Do I really know if she hears well in both ears? Did I really ever pay attention to her eyesight? Because most parents are busy, tired, multi-tasking and preoccupied with being broke, even conscientious ones may not notice everything. Children also adapt and learn to compensate, making up words, pointing, choosing silence, reading lips and so on. Plus, they are usually moving so much and so dizzyingly that, really, watching them is like feeling warm and fuzzy about a loud, overly exuberant, endlessly awake blur.
I love that the school tries to teach parents. Some may know all this stuff from raising siblings or from having prior children or just from having it together. Not me. I know about books, rivers, vegetarian food and rhyming. Oh, and feminism. That’s my skill set. Stone knows about DJing and music. The rest is all aha moments we didn’t expect. So, I find myself learning about parenting, schooling, developmental stages, and both tough and tender love as Ziya moves through each term.
What’s nice is that such learning can bring parents together too. I whatsapped Stone, who was home on shift with Zi, throughout the whole morning parents’ session, though I figured that the principal probably looked askance at my bad example of texting through class. When I got home, Stone and I sat like two tired people assessing the steepness of the terrain ahead. We worked out how to join forces, compared notes and different perspectives, and sorted out who would be better at what.
Although Ziya doesn’t start school until tomorrow, I feel like I covered a whole syllabus today. Surviving morning traffic for the next term feels like just the opening challenge in the labour and lessons of life-long learning.
grrlscene 
January 7, 2014 at 3:44 pm
My girls are a little older, but after sitting through curriculum info sessions and helping with homework, I often feel like my kids are being graded for my work! Their success really does depend on our level of understanding and support. Good luck starting your climb up this steep terrain!
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January 7, 2014 at 12:51 am
Hi Gabby, it feels more overwhelming when you hear it all at once. What they are really doing is giving all of the information, some of which will not apply to you. The sound bites that may be relevant to you at some time in the future will certainly nudge you if they become applicable, so the ‘heads up’ works for some people.
I would say though that for involved parents like you and Stone, have faith that you will become aware of problems when they present themselves and I know that you will seek help when necessary, even if you have not managed to process it all.
Some of the issues related to speech are real though. I had my own experience without being exposed to the information up front. At about close to three years old, I realised that my own child was not as clear in speech as he should be (not sure when or why it dawned on me). He was only making requests of me, because I was the only one that understood him and one day when I told him to ask his father for something he actually said no because he would not understand him.
I conveyed my concern to the paediatrician and he said to not worry until after he was 3 years old. When that time came and the speech was still not quite clear, he agreed that this was the time for a referral for speech therapy. He had waited up to the outer limits of the developmental continuum.
Twice a week for one term, Dennis took him for therapy in Port of Spain, after evaluation showed that he had a short frenulum (just under the tongue) which prevented him from pronouncing certain words clearly. I can’t begin to tell you what it did for my son. It was like being released. For a while all thoughts, ideas just came tumbling out. He was speaking out assembly in school. I remember Pat Saunders laughing and saying that he was making up for lost time.
I always knew that he was hearing and processing well, and I also knew that his output was not what it should be, but I must confess that I was not aware of the extent to which it was holding him in check. The message: Its good to know, but not to worry. Once engaged as you clearly are, you will always do what’s best for Ziya.
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