Post 131.

Everybody knows that feeling when everything comes together. You can’t explain what clicks, but you know when it happens. You lift off like you have wide, sure wings and they are in control, and all that exists is this moment when you are not even touching ground. Somehow.

Right then, there is no doubt that each thing that happened had to, with the exact timing and order as it occurred, or else the magic of confluence and consequence would never have swept you off your feet. Such a moment of transcendence can’t be predicted, planned or pretended, though you can conscientiously prepare.

What got me here? I had been wondering about a way ahead and was unable to force the process. I learned that my brain couldn’t dominate it.

Turns out, the next step is only lighter than air when mind, heart, body and spirit come of their own free will to the crossroad and, without too much dialogue, all turn toward the same direction, feeling ready, knowing what is right.

Mind has no chance of convincing the others. Arguing with heart is like dictating terms to rolling thunder. Not listening to it is as inhumane as caging a bird because it sings. Body doesn’t listen to anyone. Logic echoes thinly against body’s faith in visceral sensation. After all, who feels it knows. Spirit arrives where it should, when it should, how it should. Its modus operandi is trust. Spirit can’t be made into form far less told what to do. Imposing hard rules only alienates them all from each other and from you.

Responding to me, mind said to take control. Spirit said to trust in the best outcome for all. Heart said that nothing is forever. Body said, it was beautiful then, now there is only the present and it feels good. Listening, I still didn’t know the way ahead, but I knew what direction I was facing. There, at the crossroad, someone had lit a fire. So, I turned thoughts to intentions to words to flames and then to smoke to seal a deal I didn’t want undone.

You already know what happened next. Quiet. Stillness. Effortlessness. Somehow.

Everybody knows the frustration of searching in the dark or choosing unnecessarily difficult options. The fear when wondering how long it will take for things to make sense or settle down. Everybody knows the futility of being at odds with yourself or without balance. Everybody knows that the z axis, time, cuts right through the middle of your pattern, teaching you about causality and correlation until it eventually marks the spot where you now realize you’ve arrived.

What’s clear is that people appeared in my life, like guardian angels, bringing pieces of something I had never seen whole. I fitted the pieces together as best as I could. When the last piece arrived I felt certain, in the valley of bone between my breasts, that they would all fall into place.

You know when you start something not knowing how it will end, but as you get closer you realize you had the whole idea, not yet formed, since you began? When you finish, it looks exactly how you knew it should even though you didn’t know that it would. Somehow.

I looked back at the process, tidied together what I learned, breathed joy in and joy out, and took a single step ahead that can only be described as soaring.

Wings lifted, I was only a vibration in mid-air, a consciousness without scope, nothing but now, exactly where I was supposed to be and precisely on time. Somehow.